you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
