Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Two words: blizzard sex
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
