Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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