Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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