She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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