Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
