I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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