True but thats because hes a fetus.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
A bitchslap is in order.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
