oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
