What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
