My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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