the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
