I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
