On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
