My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
