it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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