he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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