ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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