he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
