I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
My pussy is not your playground.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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