this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
