Someone shit on the floor
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Randomize
