why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
