yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
