He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
