drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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