k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
