Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
