i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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