Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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