i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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