We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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