I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
