My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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