Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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