you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
