Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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