i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
