dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
