I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
