I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
