sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
