Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize