WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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