can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
