The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Randomize
