I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
