if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
