dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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