I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
