In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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