It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize