I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
