A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize