do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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