Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
