ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
