phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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