I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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