God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
