Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
