All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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