I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
