there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
