the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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