I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
