my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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