hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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