He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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