just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
