you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
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