He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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