Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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